Before Ethan was born I was no doubt a self proclaimed work-a-holic. Easily worked 70 hour work weeks, maintained numerous clients, 3 jobs, the whole 9 yards...without batting an eye. I was raised in a household where the woman was the wage-earner and that didn't bother me too much. I would've loved it if DH was, but when push came to shove I was more business savvy and that's ok.
When I got pregnant I figured I could still go on as normal until at least the 3rd trimester. WRONG! I had a wonderful 1st trimester. While my best friend was tired and sluggish, I felt like a million bucks except the normal bouts of morning sickness. Although, even that wasn't too bad. As soon as I hit the 2nd trimester, however, I thought someone was trying to run me over with a semi! I was so tired ALL THE TIME! I was also getting pretty big and having a hard time keeping up with work. That's when I had to start preparing to drop clients. Then my streak of bad luck started and I got into my first accident. After that, everything went basically downhill. By month 5 I was back on bedrest and by month 6 I was on it for good :( At that point I had to give up all my clients, however DH was able to help and keep some of the for me by taking over, and stop working at the hospital except for the occasional meeting and telecommuting.
At that point, it was hard but I would've done anything for our baby so I always kept that in mind. Plus I was so stinkin' tired and uncomfortable I didn't mind not working lol.
THEN, Ethan came and my whole world was rocked. I never knew you could feel such overwhelming feelings in such a short period of time. As soon as I gave birth to him it was an immediate rush of love. And ever since that moment I have had the hardes time leaving him. I know it's selfish and kind of crazy but I would rather us be "sliding by" and me get to stay with him (instead of him going to daycare) then for us to be "well off" and have someone else be with my son every single day. The thought of missing out on all his first's drive me crazy. I think it will kill me if I miss his first steps and words :( The thought alone brings me to tears. He's my whole world, and I guess I'm obsessed with my kid. Is that insane? Or weird? Maybe it's a first time mommy thing? Who knows...
But now we are in the situation of trying to really bust our rear ends and get our act together so we can move out this summer. We are forever grateful to DH's parents for what they do for us, but we're our own family now and we need to start acting like it. So although it kills me, I may need to work a full time job or a few part timers to get more money coming in. DH isn't working as much anymore...another post at another time...and I know that maybe I need to hop back into the driver's seat and take control ::sigh::
My first step in all this- I turned in two applications to two different nursing programs that are starting soon in hopes that I can knock that out of the way and take that route for working. Ideally that would be the best bet all around.
But in the meantime I take an hour every night and apply for what ever job I can on craiglist. Wish me luck everyone :)
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